Coffee by the Window. - a Poem by Ava Lansley

Mortality informs the epiphany of a child.

Coffee by the Window. - a Poem by Ava Lansley

I realized
at ten years old
my dad sips
coffee cold and alone
shadows from the
garden’s rose
outside collect
across his chest and
for a moment
I saw a coffin
and all
so suddenly
revealed to me
my own mortality.

I asked my father
what happens after we die
and he served only honesty
“It goes blank, but I don’t know why”

I was petrified
of that clean slate
that would consume me;
purify my state
a stark white Empty
to swallow my soul
indefinitely.

But I was not afraid
of its permanency
but rather what
it would feel like
to exit this stage alone
with the flowers
of Regret and Memory.

He asked me, “honey,
are you scared to die?”

What might it feel like
for all that I am
to dissipate
my layers of Something to
open up into
Nothing
and for me to learn
in my last moment of living
who I really am
who I really was
at the doors of Eternity.

He asked me, “honey, are you scared to die?”

I’m not afraid of death
I’m afraid of dying.


Vote for this poem by clicking the applause button below. This piece is featured on the CHILLFILTR Review, and top-voted selections will be included in the yearly best-of collection.

Cover photo by Ihor Malytskyi.

Author

Ava Lansley

Amateur Australian poet, essayist and writer. My work primarily focuses on experiences as a bisexual, sexually dominant woman. My poetic themes involve death, creation, mythology, femininism and sex.

Sydney, Australia https://www.instagram.com/aleei_s/?hl=en

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